‘Tis the Season

Well our first Christmas as a complete little family has come and gone. We had most of Tyler’s family here, minus his sister and sister-in-law. Unfortunately we didn’t get to see everyone we wanted like my dad and the rest of the family but that’s to be expected living far away. Dmitri loved having his grandparents here and I’m pretty sure they enjoyed his company too. He got passed around to everyone every day and was loving all the attention. Even though our house was full of people it was relatively stress-free. My only anxiety was when the creator of the Fucked-up Family Bullshit got sneaky access to Dmitri (which is something we expressly told them not to do (seriously, how can you think that sneaking behind my back to see Dmitri is going to fix our relationship, like at all. For fucks sake grow up.)) while we were Skyping with family. Fortunately that call couldn’t last very long because I had to go make dinner. I am really not impressed by the stunt they pulled but when you are dealing with someone who feels they are entitled to, well, everything, I’m not surprised they did that. Next time we’ll just ask to be called back when they aren’t there. Because fuck that. Seriously.

After dealing with that, I finished making my turkey (which ended up being a little dry because I was on Skype too long) and the rest and I must say, it was pretty delicious. I enjoy cooking, even giant meals like Christmas dinner, as long as Dmitri is being taken care of. Luckily I had tons of people willing to sacrifice their afternoon to help me out.

After Tyler’s family left, he had a couple days off work still so we got to spend some time together and he got to have lot’s of Dmitri time, which they both loved. Now it’s just Dmitri and I again and he’s been getting pissed that he only has be around but he’ll get over it. He got quite a few new toys for Christmas so we’ve been cycling through them each day and he’s forgetting about changing hands so often. Soon we’ll be back to normal and he’ll only want a change of handlers once Tyler gets home. He does love his Man Time

The next celebration coming up will be Dmitri’s birthday and I’m pretty sure That’ll be the next post unless we do something exciting. I think for the most part I’m going to keep Dmitri pictures to a minimum here and post most of them on my Facebook. I’ve set my privacy settings so that only friends can see what I post and I would like to keeps pictures of him more private. Anyone can read this blog, which is cool, but I do want to keep Dmitri more protected.

I will post a couple lot of Christmas pics because they are too cute not to share!

 

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Half a Year

I know that it’s totally cliche, but it seems crazy to me that Dmitri is already 6 months. We’ve been able to keep another human alive for six whole months! Dmitri is now at the age where he is experiencing separation anxiety. I put him down and he looses his shit. While it’s fairly annoying, I have to keep reminding myself that he’s just learned that I can leave him and that is scary as shit for someone who has always known that I or Tyler will always be right there. Instead of being frustrated that I can’t really get anything done unless he’s napping, I need to make a conscious effort to not be annoyed and go give him cuddles. If the house is a mess and dinner isn’t made, it shouldn’t matter. It will get done eventually. Luckily Tyler fully supports this and knows that taking care of Dmitri is a full time job. I feel so incredibly lucky to have such a supportive husband and a husband that takes Dmitri as soon as he gets home from work so I can make dinner and clean and go pee.

I always get mad at myself for getting frustrated with Dmitri when he whines or cries. I know that he is doing it for a reason and I’m still adjusting to ‘everything else can wait’. I want to have a tidy house and dinner cooking but those things don’t matter as much as Dmitri does. I want him to have a happy childhood and not feel as though he takes second place to whatever I am doing.

We always want our children to have what we didn’t or have a better life than us. Unless of course you had a fantastic childhood and had everything in the world. For me, I want him to have 2 supportive and loving parents. I want him to have more good memories than bad. I know that I cannot make all his memories good, because I will fuck up. I know that I will never be a perfect parent because, you do as you know. Unless you break the cycle, as I am constantly trying to do. I’m not saying that every part of my childhood was awful because it wasn’t. But I do have more bad memories than good ones and they’re all of stuff I never want Dmitri to ever experience. So, while he is still young and won’t remember anything, I continuously question what I’m doing and asking myself “Is this what was done to me that had a negative impact?”. So far, I don’t think I’ve done anything to fuck him up yet but I know it will only get harder the older he gets. I am hoping though that, by always questioning my actions or thoughts, it will become second nature and not a conscious effort. Hopefully eventually, I will naturally do what’s right, and not what’s damaging.

One thing we have done to hopefully help make sure Dmitri doesn’t experience the same kind of abuse I suffered is we cut the family member who caused the fucked up family bullshit and trauma in my childhood (except for this blog because I am not tech savvy enough to know how to block their access). With them out of our lives for now, I can focus on what I need to do in order to not have history repeat itself.

Each month with Dmitri comes with new challenges but more importantly, more joys. He is so much fun to be around is always just a happy smiling guy who seems to really enjoy his existence in life. That is something I am determined to continue as long as I am living.